Why I Write

I ask myself this a lot, especially now that I'm trying to make writing my career. Why? What is this need to put my thoughts to paper and share my stories with people? Do I actually have anything of worth to say?

Even as the doubts creep their way in, my mind screams to be released from the torrent of words spinning and ricocheting off the walls of my skull.

I over-think, I over-analyze, and I over-stress about EVERYTHING. Sometimes I wish I could be the type of person who experiences life as one big adventure, embracing each new situation with gleeful enthusiasm. Instead, it's like I see it as one long slasher movie. I'm always looking over my shoulder, hiding, and planning my every move as though some masked maniac with a scythe and a chainsaw (why he needs both I have no idea) is stalking me, just waiting for me to slip up and let down my guard.

Part of this stems from the fact that I do not function well under pressure. My mind freezes and rather than the normal response where people say it's as if time slows down, my world speeds up while my limbs move with a catatonic grace. It's seems to be the only time my mind doesn't race. So I've learned to plan ahead. That way, if something does go wrong, I'll already have a plan of action.

The trouble with planning ahead is that there's an infinite number of possible scenarios for every situation. This means that I need to come up with A LOT of plans. The second problem is that once you think of all the ways something can go wrong you can't unthink them. They haunt me. I see flashes of severed limbs, embarrassment, and pain ALL. THE. TIME. I'm like the kid from 6th Sense except my dead people rarely talk to me. They kinda snobby that way.

So I write to let some of my thoughts escape. I write old-school with pen and paper because it slows me down and forces my thoughts which are usually travelling at hurricane force winds to die down to a gentle breeze. I can then organize them and make sense of the chaos. I can see each one and finally recognize the ridiculous from the sincere. Writing feels like a good spring cleaning.

Within the last few years I've experienced another benefit to writing; allowing others to read what I come up with. I believe that everyone has a story to tell. Our stories not only shape us into who we are becoming, but they colour our perspectives and enhance how we experience the world. By sharing our stories we get to see life through each other's eyes.

I read somewhere that people who read often have a higher degree of empathy because they've learned how to put themselves in someone else's shoes. They realize that people don't see a given situation the same way. Our experiences aren't pure. They are tainted by our individual thoughts, beliefs, prejudices, and past.

It sounds weird, but I also love sharing my embarrassing moments with people. I find that shame and embarrassment tend to lose their power when you bring them out into the light. They become funny. It helps me to take life a little less seriously.

Basically, everyone's different, so it's inevitable that at least one person won't get what I'm writing. But, it's equally conceivable that at least one person will. For that one person, I'll continue to post some of what I've written. For now anyways.

I hope you enjoy :)